To Save Your Soul
by Matt Lundahl
Summary: Willow wishes to have taken Tara's place; set shortly after (Same Time, Same Place).


The two women smiled gleefully at each other, looking into each other's eyes and hoping that they would be together forever. They didn't care that there was a loud ruckus from outside, they only wanted to be in each other's arms until both were long dead.  
A loud bang, and shatter through a window. Tara stumbled slightly, but obviously felt no pain.  
"Willow, your shirt..." Tara began, noticing the sudden spray of red blood on Willow's chest. She promptly fell to the floor.  
  
Willow awoke in a cold sweat, panting heavily. She stared at the white and green vertical striped on her walls and gripped at the covers on the bed. She closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears from welling in them. The pain was still so fresh. Every now and then she could feel the blood soaking into her shirt; she could hear the sound of her lover's last breath.  
She was reliving that moment over and over in her mind; all she wanted to know was why it had to be Tara.  
  
Willow listened as the 'wanna-blessed-be's, as she called them, talked about the wicca ways. She was a little bitter about how they had just shot down her request to practice in magic, absolutely ignoring magic all-together, in fact!  
Willow looked around the room, wondering when the meeting would be over. She noticed a girl, with mostly blonde hair, staring at her. Once the two made eye contact, the other girl quickly turned her gaze.  
At the time, Willow had thought that the girl was a little odd; little did she know that they would be spending the rest of one of their lives together.  
  
Willow slipped downstairs in the morning, looking around and noticing that neither Dawn nor Buffy were awake yet. She held at her side a moment and winced at the pain. She had forgotten about Gnarl stripping away at her stomach.  
Ironic, really.  
Willow slowly stepped back up the stairs, first knocking on Buffy's door and opening it slightly.  
"Buffy... you've got to go to work today." Willow whispered. Buffy rolled over, eyes still closed.  
"I don't wanna go..." she mumbled. "Do it for me."  
"I can't."  
"Why not? I think you'd be great at doing... whatever it is I get paid for..."  
"Counselling?" Willow smiled at her mostly unconscious friend. Buffy rolled to the other side once more.  
"If you really think... that I need it... but... I think I'm pretty sane right now..." Buffy yawned and stayed in bed. Willow shook her head slightly, turned in the hall, and headed towards Dawn's room. She knocked twice and opened the door. To her surprise, Dawn was already dressed, and was just putting her things into her backpack.  
"I see that you've become quite the morning person!" Willow exclaimed.  
"Well, new school, new friends. Sane Buffy... sane Willow..." Dawn bit her lip and picked up her things. "...sorry... I... I wasn't really thinking, and..."  
"No. That's okay. I've got to fess up to it all, right?" Willow half smiled. "So... Buffy told me the other night that you've become quite the research girl."  
"I know what viscera are!" Dawn happily said. Willow smiled, stood, then slowly closed the door and walked away.  
  
"We could name her Trixie, or Miss Kitty Fantastico or something." Tara smiled as the two women held hands. Willow was so happy that she had found someone to share such deep love with. It had been so different with Oz. With Tara... it was exciting... it was new... but most of all... it was pure and true.  
  
Willow read through the headlines of the morning's paper as the three women ate their breakfasts.  
"Oh! Dawn, we should get going! Don't wanna be late again." Buffy stood.  
"Not that it would be MY fault." Dawn followed.  
"What are you implying?"  
"Implying? I'm not implying anything! I'm saying, is what I'm doing." Dawn mocked.  
"Are you calling me irresponsible?"  
"Irresponsible, tardy, a little dim..." Dawn began. Buffy scoffed as the two headed out of the doorway. Willow smiled as she watched them leave. She looked back down at the paper, wondering what she would be doing throughout the day.  
  
"Tha-that's right! Th-the volume! The TEXT." Tara pointed out. Willow noticed the expression on her face wasn't incredibly convincing. She looked back over at Giles who had a confused look.  
"What text?" he asked directly.  
"The volumey text." Willow replied quickly, grabbing Tara ever-so slightly.  
"You know..." Tara began once more, attempting to think of any random name that came to mind. Willow jumped in.  
"The Mermrfrd... Report." she said. Giles took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead.  
  
She knocked on the door thrice, then awaited an answer. She could hear footsteps and noises from the other side of the door, but thought it rude tu simply burst in. The door opened and Anya stood before her.  
"Willow. What a... surprise." the two stood awkwardly for a moment. "Well, what do you want?"  
"I wanted to apologise." Willow began.  
"You already did that. Go away now." Anya smiled and started to close the door, but Willow lifted her hand and stopped it from closing all the way.  
"Please, Anya... I just want to talk for a minute." Anya re-opened the door.  
"That isn't what you just said. You said you wanted to apologise, and you did, and I accepted..."  
"No, you didn't." Willow replied.  
"That's beside the point! Now, what is it that you want." Willow raised an eyebrow and felt as if her mind was turning to mush.  
"I just... want... to talk..." Willow began.  
"Alright. Come in." Anya rolled her eyes and stepped away from the doorway, allowing Willow to enter. "What is it that you want to talk about? Could you make it fast whatever it is? Fast enough so that you could leave soon?"  
"Anya... I..."  
"Ooh, did you come so that you could fix my carpet? It's still all burned and singey. And for some reason there's a strange odour coming from it. Not sure what it is. Smells a little like fish. Is that normal? I don't think that's normal. In fact, that's exactly what I said last night when I first smelled the smell..."  
"Anya..."  
"...and I was going to call the landlord and ask him about it, but then he'd be all about 'ANYA! Why is your carpet destroyed? GET OUT!' and I would be all 'I can't! I have nowhere else to go!' and then I'd be on the streets..."  
"Anya..."  
"...of course, I COULD just have someone killed and take their apartment. And money. I could probably rob a bank or two, I doubt that that's very tough, I mean, mortals manage to do that sort of thing all of the time!" Anya gave a puzzled look. "I notice you're still here. Was our talk not sufficient?"  
"Anya... I haven't gotten a word in yet."  
"That's not true! During our conversation you said, and I quote: 'Anya... I... Anya... Anya...'! I mean, is that not GOOD enough for you?" Anya sat down, hands clasped in her lap.  
"Should I come back another time?" Willow stepped towards the door.  
"No... you could leave, though..."  
  
"I'm cured! I want the boys!" Tara exclaimed as she started to run toward to young men. Willow grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She smiled at her girlfriend's joke.  
"Hey! Do I have to fight to keep you? Because... I'm not real big on the butch."  
  
"Anya..." Willow began as they both sipped from their coffee. "...do you ever wish for anything? I mean... you grant all these wishes all of the time... but do you ever get anything back from it?" Anya thought for a moment.  
"Well... I don't feel I NEED to wish for anything, really... I mean... I could probably have anything I wanted to at any given moment! Of course... only if it's official vengeance business... so no... I don't get anything."  
"Hmm... too bad." Willow lowered her head a moment. Anya tilted hers, looking hard at Willow.  
"How about you? You ever wish for anything?" Anya asked, taking another sip. "I mean, with the recent deaths and flayings and all... I would..." she noticed Willow's glare. "...I would just... assume..."  
"Wish? No... not... well. Yeah. Sometimes. In my head I wish things were different, but I realise that they can't be."  
"Why not?"  
"Because that's not the way it was intended to be. I don't wanna go and create another vampire me, just so you know." Anya nodded. "But... every now and then. I just think to myself 'why couldn't I have saved her'? It isn't fair." Willow rubbed the rim of her cup for a moment.  
"Do you wish you could have her back?" Anya asked, resting her chin on her hand.  
"Tried that... Osiris wasn't all too happy..." Willow chuckled a little, choking back the pain. "Sometimes... God... I just wish that I could've taken her place. You know?" Willow looked up, noticing that Anya was in demon face.  
"Done."  
"WHAT?" Willow stood, but it was too late.  
  
Willow was looking into Tara's eyes, they were holding hands. They were smiling. Willow suddenly realised what was about to happen.  
"Willow..." Tara began.  
"Tara! Down!" Willow screamed, but it was too late. The gun shot flew through the window, and into Willow's back. Her blood splattered across Tara's chest and chin. Willow's eyes welled up.  
"Willow?"  
"Tara, your shirt..." Willow fell to the floor.  
"WILLOW!" Tara screamed as tears ran down her face. She bent beside her lover and checked for breathing, for a pulse, for anything. She quickly turned and grabbed for the phone, missing it twice before actually getting it the third time. She punched in '9-1-1' and waited.  
  
"Santa always passes me by. Something puts him off. Could be the big honkin' menorah." Tara smiled as she listened to her friends talking about Christmas. She held Willow's hand tightly underneath the table.  
  
Xander climbed into Buffy's ambulance while Tara climbed into Willow's. Tara watched Willow as they drove faster in order to get to the hospital. Tears rolled down her face, and all she could think was 'Why Willow? Why couldn't it have been me?'.  
  
Anya, Willow, Xander and Tara were all standing speechless as they watched Giles singing at the local coffee shop. All three women were impressed, and even a little turned on, which Tara found odd, considering what kinds of qualities she looked for in a partner-the most glaringly obvious one being that they be a woman.  
"Oh." Anya began.  
"Wow." Willow agreed.  
"Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out." the waver in Xander's voice didn't make Tara clue in that this wasn't a regular occurence.  
"Does he do this a lot?" she asked, smiling.  
"Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange." Xander quipped.  
"Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him." Willow blushed. Tara became slightly jealous, but chose to ignore it.  
"Well, he IS pretty good." Tara fought back the jealousy and agreed.  
"His voice ... is pleasant." Anya smiled. Xander was taken aback by all of the comments.  
"What?!"  
"Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy." Willow started. This time, Tara couldn't fight back the jealousy, and she knew how silly it was to feel that way, but she couldn't help it. She just was so in love.  
"I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fueling the fire please." Xander continued; sadly, Tara agreed completely-only in a slightly different context.  
  
Tara and Xander waited in the lobby, both in tears.  
"I can't... believe..." Tara started. She buried her face in her hands and messed her hair slightly. "What if..."  
"Don't think about that... they're... they're going to be okay..."  
"W-w-what... what are w-we going to... to... t-tell Dawnie?" Tara stuttered uncomfortably.  
"Oh, my God..." now Xander buried his face in his hands. Neither of them heard the footsteps coming towards them.  
"Ms. Maclay?" the doctor asked nervously. "Sorry... that is you, correct?"  
"Y-yes..." Tara replied as she stood, wiping the tears from her face using her sleeve. "I-is she going to be..." the doctor interupted her.  
"I'm... I'm sorry. We were too late." he replied. Tara's tears started flowing once more and she dug her face into Xander's chest.  
"I'm sorry for your loss."  
  
"You're right. If you want Tara, take her. You just gotta go through me." Buffy stepped before Tara, standing between her and her very own father.  
"What?" Mr. Maclay asked confusedly.  
"You heard me. You want to take Tara away from here against her will, you gotta go through me." Buffy repeated.  
"And me!" Dawn agreed, standing tall beside her sister.  
"What is this, a joke? You think I'm going to be threatened by two little girls?" Tara watched as her father grew angrier with each word.  
"You don't wanna mess with us." Dawn glared.  
"She's a hair-puller."  
"And it's not just two little girls you're dealing with." Giles pointed out. Tara saw her father, brother and cousin beginning to grow weary, but trying not to let it show. Tara held Willow tightly.  
"You want Tara, you gotta deal with all of us." Xander exclaimed.  
"Except me!" Spike chimed in nonchalantly.  
"'cept Spike." Xander gave a sheepish grin.  
"I don't really care what happens." Spike continued. Tara remembered not liking him at that point.  
"We are Tara's blood-kin. Who are you to interfere in her affairs?" her father asked. Tara could feel tears coming on.  
"We're family." Buffy replied simply. Tara finally felt like there was a place for her in the Scoobie gang.  
  
Tara cried on the bed that she and Willow had been sharing for over a year. When she and Xander had told Dawn that not only did Willow die on the operating table, but Buffy was also lost to them, she nearly broke down. She wasn't even able to walk afterwards. It wasn't a sight that Tara liked seeing.  
Tara could feel that the bed was soaking beneath her, but she didn't care. She just wanted Willow to be back with her.  
Tara thought that she heard a knock at the door, but she wasn't absolutely sure until she felt someone sit on the bed. She lifted her head, her face red from crying, and saw that it was Anya.  
"Anya..."  
"You sound just like... Tara, I have to talk to you." Anya spun and kneeled before Tara. They clasped their hands together, Tara not quite understanding what this was about. "I did a bad thing."  
"W... what did you do?" Tara asked, still sobbing.  
"I brought this about. Not... not the Warren thing... but..." Anya looked up to see the pain and confusion on Tara's face. "You were the one that was supposed to die." Tara took her hands back and sat back.  
"What... what are you talking about?"  
"This isn't how it was supposed to happen. Buffy was shot and YOU were shot, you died and Willow went crazy. Willow saved Buffy, killed Warren, tried to destroy the world, and had to go to England in order to uncrazy." Anya explained.  
"...what?"  
"Then Willow wished that she could take your place and... and I granted her wish... I saved your life... but sacrificed both Willow and Buffy... I didn't mean to... I... it was an automatic reaction..." Anya stumbled. "...she wished and I granted... I didn't realise that..."  
"Change it back!" Tara screamed.  
"What? But, Tara..."  
"Change it back!" she repeated.  
"Tara, you'll die!" Anya exclaimed. Tara began to cry once more.  
"I... I know... but I also know about destiny... you can't change the world... if... if... if I was meant to... to die... and Willow to... go insane..."  
"Are... are you sure? I... I can have it so that the bullet misses you! So that yuo both live and Willow doesn't go crazy! Of course... without the crazy she can't save Buffy, so she'll still die... OR! I could change it so all of the bullets miss!" Anya shouted. Tara shook her head.  
"You can't change your path... what's meant to be... is meant to be. I can't change that." Tara stood before Anya, looking he in the eyes. "I wish to take Willow's place. Change it back." Anya clutched her hands together, then nodded.  
"I... I really DO miss you, Tara." she began.  
"Tell Willow I love her."  
  
"Tried that... Osiris wasn't all too happy..." Willow chuckled a little, choking back the pain. "Sometimes... God... I just wish that I could've..." Willow started.  
"NO!" Anya screamed, spilling her coffe and standing. "Don't wish! There are vengeance demons who'll... they'll take advantage of you and... react abruptly without thought and accidentally fulfill a wish that isn't REALLY wished and that... that shouldn't happen..." Willow stood, confused. "I... I'm sorry, but I... I have a headache. Can... can we do this again some other time?" Willow nodded and headed for the door.  
"Goodbye, Anya." Willow said quietly.  
"Willow!" Willow turned. "She loves you. Tara... she wants you to know that she loves you." Willow smiled.  
"I know." 


End file.
